Home is where Eva is

New song I love: Home. What does the word mean for people who live vaguely nomadic lives (e.g., FSOs)?

For me, home is always where Eva is....

(now, if only that darn security clearance can come through ;) )




One more vid just for fun:

Yee Haw!

Last weekend Cyn and I attended a rodeo in Castro Valley (her first and my third). We were there to support a friend interning for the American Cancer Society to track smokers around the arena and see if they were smoking in designated areas. Our job was basically to stand around with a clipboard and mark any deviant or suspicious activity.

We saw lots of wayward behavior and took our job very seriously.

If an old cowboy took snuff out of his overall pocket and looked like he was going to chomp down, we would say "tobacco 6 o'clock! older man, plaid cut-off flannel". If a woman was trying to enhance the enjoyment of her late morning Coors Light with a menthol we would say "prohibited smoking 2:30! 45, female, daisy dukes and wife beater". I'm pretty sure we were totally incognito and wholly appreciated as our giggling echoed throughout the valley.

Actually I felt utterly at home at the rodeo. For many years I was an avid 4-H member, owned much Western attire, and can muck out a stall quicker than you can say "yee haw". The smell of manure, the sound of country music and braying farm animals, the dust in your shoes and eyes - I love it all. I especially love the opportunity to wear my "wild thing" shirt that boasts a cartoonish horse rearing up with 'wild thing' written in glittery cursive on a bright red background. I enjoyed many comments on my shirt that day and was almost carried away into buying a matching felt cowboy hat.

Bill could extend benefits to same-sex partners

Eva and I are legally married under CA law (we were one of those lucky couples that married after the California Supreme Court decision and before the passage of Proposition 8).  We are fortunate enough to reside in San Francisco, where it's very seldom that we face any type of homophobia, and certainly never in the workplace.  All my prior employers in the public and private sector have thus far afforded the same benefits to opposite and same sex spouses/domestic partners of their employees.

Sadly, this is not true of the federal government.  One major source of concern for us when contemplating joining the FS was the disparate treatment of same-sex couples.  Before Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and President Obama extended specified benefits to domestic partners in 2009, same-sex partners/spouses had to be listed as Members of Household (MOH), one class below that of an Eligible Family Member (EFM).  This meant that same-sex spouses & partners of Foreign Service Officers were ineligible for diplomatic passports, use of medical facilities at overseas posts, medical and other emergency evacuation (note: pets were authorized to be evacuated in emergencies with the FSO, even if same-sex partners were not), transportation between posts, and training in security and languages.

President Obama justly issued an Executive Memorandum (not an Executive Order, meaning it could expire with his office) to recognize same-sex partners as EFMs and extend the aforementioned benefits to them.   However, due to statutory restrictions placed by the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), same-sex partners and spouses of FSOs remained precluded from qualification for a range of other benefits, including federally-provided health insurance and pension benefits.

Digger over at Life After Jerusalem  recently posted an update re: the 2009 Domestic Partnership Benefits and Obligations Act (S. 1102).  If passed, this would allow Eva to receive the same benefits that spouses of my future heterosexual colleagues would receive.  I've cut and pasted the Washington Post article below:

Senate vote on same-sex benefits 'within weeks'

The Senate could vote on a bill extending fringe benefits to the same-sex partners of gay federal employees "within weeks" and well before July 4, according to aides to Sen. Joseph I. Lieberman (I-Conn.).

The Nutmeg State senator is lead sponsor of the measure, which would cost an estimated $310 million through 2020, according to the Congressional Budget Office.

That's a notable, but not terribly hefty price tag by Washington standards, and Lieberman is fine with the anticipated cost.

“This legislation would cost about two-hundredths of a percent of the federal government’s overall costs for the civilian workforce," Lieberman said Tuesday. "That is a very small price to pay for the improvements we would see in recruitment, retention, and morale. OPM has committed to provide an offset for the legislation before it is enacted, making it that much more reasonable.”

Indeed those offsets -- first requested by Lieberman and Senate Republicans in December -- aren't ready yet and won't be until Lieberman is ready to introduce the bill to the full Senate, according to an OPM spokesman.

Lieberman's bill may win some Republican votes, but a House version passed last year with no GOP support. The House bill also covers eligible federal retirees, giving it a heftier price tag that the GOP considers unacceptable.

"At a time when unemployment is at 9.9 percent, it’s absurd that Democrats would push a costly new benefit for federal employees when so many Americans in the private sector are out of work," said Frederick Hill, a spokesman for Rep. Darrell Issa (R-Calif.), the ranking Republican on the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee, which first approved the benefits bill. "This legislation is a good example of how this Congress and administration have neglected efforts to rein-in spending and create jobs in favor of an agenda to satisfy their political base." 

Eva's 3 rules

My lovely wife just announced the following:

If we get posted to Laos* or S.E. Asia, I am:

1. Not wearing make-up
2. Not wearing a bra
3. Swimming every day

  

Then she looked very proud of herself.

(Eva and I were talking about Laos because of an entertaining blog written by another FSO called Life on the Mekong, chronicling their experiences there.)

Cavallo Point

We hiked Cavallo Point last weekend with our good friends Rasha, Palav, and Sanjay. All three of them are medical residents at UCSF, so we're pretty lucky to spend the very little leisure time they have in their company. We basked in the sunshine and the magnificent views of San Francisco Bay, Alcatraz, Golden Gate Bridge from our vantage point @ Fort Baker. We even spotted two porpoises and several sea lions!

Even if I do end up being appointed to join the Foreign Service (fingers crossed!), leaving San Francisco will be bittersweet. It's pretty clear why people leave their hearts in our fair city. It's progressive, open-minded, culturally literate, queer-friendly, beautiful, and surrounded by vineyards/wine country, hikes, rivers, waterfalls, and views.

San Francisco will always be home to me.

Co-dependence

The sole purpose of this blog post: whining. My beautiful wife Eva (see above - can you blame me for missing this woman?) is visiting her family in Washington State for 8 days. I am one of those crazy people who hates spending time alone. I especially can't bear to be away from my one and only. Usually when she's out of town, I preoccupy myself by moving in with my folks for a few days. However, my parents happen to be in China for the month traveling and visiting my little sis in Beijing. I hardly know what to do with myself! My friends are providing me with good distractions and dinner dates, but I miss my wifey. I have no idea how married foreign service officers survive 1 year unaccompanied posts without their spouses.

US Consulate in Pakistan is Attacked

The perils of the Foreign Service life are becoming increasingly apparent.

From the New York Times: "In the most direct attack on an American facility in Pakistan in years, militants mounted a multipronged assault against the United States Consulate in this northern city on Monday, using a truck bomb, machine guns and rocket launchers, Pakistani and American officials said." The attackers failed to breach the outer perimeter of the compound. Six Pakistanis were killed and 20 wounded, but there were no Americans hurt or killed in the attack.

weddings make people crazy.

Over the weekend we drove to LA to visit some friends, enjoy the sunshine, hopefully spot some second or third tier celebs (mostly Cyn's wish), but primarily to go to a wedding. Our friend and former roommate tied the knot with an incredible guy that could only be described as the perfect match for her.

This time we were smart and stayed at a hotel right next door, which we arrived at one whole hour early (yay us!) with plenty of time to get ready, sample the "heavenly" bed (gotta love the Westin), and get our behinds out the door to the church.

Now, I knew that the wedding was at a church but what I didn't know or have time to mentally prepare for was that our previously non-religious friend had apparently become an Episcopalian. We were both pretty shocked to gaze at the program for a one hour, very traditional ceremony. Poor Cyn had never been to a traditional Catholic wedding so I took the opportunity to play a joke on her by appealing to her perfectionist, Type A side; I suggested that she should probably start reviewing the biblical sections of the program, maybe even memorize the whole thing, as everyone would be expected to sing, perform, and participate. She was truly terrified. I let her off the hook once I saw little beads of sweat on her brow and she started biting her nails.

The ceremony was quite lovely; they blended their two cultures (Irish and Chicano) with grace and creativity. The only thing that disturbed me was that the priest required everyone to come up to the front for communion. I can withstand nearly any religious rhetoric while retaining personal distance, but what I refuse to ever do is drink the symbolic blood and eat the figurative flesh of Christ. It was now my turn to sweat as I desperately tried to think of how I was going to get out of this terrifying allegorical performance without offending everyone present - especially the bride and groom. "I'll tell the priest I'm a vegetarian...I'm gluten free...I'm gay...I'm an alcoholic..." Thankfully, I saw that almost all the groomsmen declined the wafer and wine and got off with a brief priestly blessing. When it was our turn to go up, Cyn declined the Eucharist with me and once the priest saw that we were together - as in married - she took hold of us with a mighty clutch and rocked the roof off that holy house with an extra special blessing.

The rest of the reception was very enjoyable: open bar, great food, first-class guests, on and on. I am, however, adding this event to my ever-growing pile of evidence that weddings make people crazy. From what I can tell, the majority of people really return to the steady ground lain by the generations before us of traditional and patriarchal ceremonies whence they decide to get married. Perhaps that is the whole idea anyway and I am missing the point? - it is a ceremony after all. But I just don't think it will cease to amaze me that it doesn't seem to matter how well you know someone; the conventional wedding paradigm is strong and alive. From diamond rings to fathers giving away their brides, some things may never die.

Pros and Cons of Foreign Service Life

I found this very helpful chart on the pros and cons of FS life on another FSO's blog, Worldwide Availability:

waiting. anxious. waiting.

I've been working with the dude that is going to buy my business and it's all going really, surprisingly well. He's beginning the process with the Master Tenant (just as presumptuous and arrogant as it sounds) and submitting a business plan, initiating the credit check and so forth. He's been coming in to meet patients once a week, which is going great, but this "new business partner" and the glaring absence of Moony in the office is making people a little suspicious. It's all going to have to come out soon..

I really don't feel that overtly stressed about the situation, considering, but I have these acute gripping moments of anxiety that I have only before felt in the months leading up to our wedding last year. I must be internalizing all the affects of the process. A couple weeks ago I was going to bed (that seems to be the favorite time for these episodes to pop up) and had this realization that we were selling the house and felt simultaneously dreadful and sentimental. This has been a welcome reality for quite literally a year which is why it caught me so off guard. Strange. Then last night another occurrence of disquiet gripped me regarding selling my business. It was like I realized that it wouldn't be mine anymore. This seems to be a common (new) theme in my life right now.

It's weird because I am really excited about the next step and trying to just enjoy every day. I know that I will miss this time and create all kinds of nostalgia about it someday. Why can't that be an easy feat?

Maybe this will help: